The debate over magazines, advertisements, and their influence on body image continues as both men and women alike are portrayed in one, idealized form of beauty.

Recently, I took a walk down the toy isle where the Barbie’s are shelved, and I once again noticed the Monster High dolls. Although the proportions may be seen as stylistic, they portray an extreme and unhealthy level of thin.

This conversation is generally focused on women, but a quick look at super heroes and army guys can also demonstrate a particular slant towards the ideal man’s body.

As parents, some respond to this pressure by refusing to have such products in their homes, and to not allow their children to play with these figures or look at certain magazines. Other parents try to combat the problem by verbally reinforcing to their children how beautiful they are, inside and out.

I’m here to tell you the number one thing that will have the greatest impact on your child’s body image – more than magazines, dolls, school bullies, and verbal affirmations. 

It’s you.

I once had a parent and child come into a session where mom was understandably concerned that her daughter refused to remove her jacket for gym class, regardless of the teacher’s instructions. The daughter told me that she was too fat and did not want to be seen without her jacket on, that she needed to be covered up.  The mom stated that she always tells her daughter how beautiful she is and that she is perfect. So she did not understand where this was coming from.

After a few minutes of thought I simply asked the mom how she viewed her own body. She stated that she thought she needed to lose some weight and pointed out a few areas of her body that she isn’t very happy with. She paused for a moment and thoughtfully said, "well I will sometimes say out loud that I’m fat and need to cover up or that I look bad in my clothes…You don’t think that's where she is getting it from do you?”

The daughter steps in and says, “Mommy I was looking fat in my clothes too, so I didn’t want the other girls to see me with my jacket off”.

As I get into this discussion, I want to clarify that I am by no means blaming or shaming parents who struggle with their own body image.  I want to point out the awesome influence and power that our words can have on children. Often the most powerful are those words we say to and about ourselves.

Moms and dads alike have the greatest power over their children’s self image by the way they view themselves, make comments about their own bodies, and also the way they speak about other’s bodies.

Committed partners and spouses must also pay attention to the way they talk about their significant other’s looks, as well as the way they talk about someone else whom they find attractive like celebrities or models. This is all absorbed by your child and has a far more lasting influence than Barbie ever will.

So here are 5 tips to teach your child to love their body.

1. Begin the work of self-acceptance

This might sound like the tallest order of the day, and you’d be right. Self-acceptance can be a lifelong journey and one that can begin today. There are many things that can get you on the right path. Working on your own self-acceptance leads to their self-acceptance.

2. Remain mindful of the words you use to describe your body, even when having an “ugly day”

When having one of those “fat days” or bad body days, it is perfectly fine to feel that way. It is normal. The important difference is the way you manage those days. Even saying out loud that you are having a difficult day is OK, as long as you follow it up with self-accepting words. “I am struggling a little today but I know that this is just a bad day and not the truth. The truth is that I am beautiful regardless of how my clothes feel.”

3. Monitor how often you are praising the ideal looks of celebrity and model culture

Children will take their cue first and foremost from you as to what true beauty looks like. Your take on these images has far more impact than the images themselves. The next time you want to express envy, praise, or criticism of how a celebrity looks, pay attention to the little ears that are around you. 

4. Ensure that you praise your partner’s body and looks and allow your child to witness your acceptance of your significant other’s flaws

I have been known to say that the best gift you can give to your children is to have a good and loving marriage relationship. The primary reason for this is that their first introduction to love, relationships, and acceptance is the quality of your relationship and interaction with your spouse.  They will learn how to accept themselves and others by your acceptance of your significant other and their flaws. This is the benchmark for how children view challenges and mistakes and how love and commitment withstands despite these things. The same goes for the way we praise and view our spouse’s looks.

5. Verbally affirm your child even when they are having an “ugly day”

Of course we want to verbally affirm our children’s looks and tell them that they are beautiful inside and out. We want to teach them to celebrate differences and diversity in the way people look. The important difference here is that words without accompanied action and example will hold little significance. It will either be written off as untrue or taken as entitlement and superiority.

Now let’s hear from all the parent wisdom out there. What are other ways you’ve found to support your child’s positive body image? What problems have you encountered along the way?